Why perfection is never seen

All of us seek perfection from those around us - our friends, our families, our colleagues and so on. Some of us acknowledge that perfection will not be found, and hence we accept imperfections in those around us. However, our criteria for such forgiveness are often very blurred. There is no consistent framework within while we can put our life experiences.

I will put this article into two sections. The first will deal with the theoretical underpinnings of what I mean to say. The second is the practical application of these theoretical underpinnings. For those of the readers who aren't quite fans of deductive logic, I would suggest that you skip the first section.

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Hence, the sense in which I will be talking about 'perfection' here is not professional perfection, but perfection in our social interactions. Also, the 'framework' that I talk about is deductive logic - the formation of certain exogenously-given premises, and using a small set of fairly axiomatic steps, arriving at a conclusion based on those premises.

Beginning with this framework, the first step is to acknowledge that every human has a different set of premises. While I have said that this is exogenously given, we can qualify it better. I would believe that every human's set of premises is determined by his experiences, and also his reaction to these experiences*. Even if the experiences were the same, the reactions would most probably not. This could happen for several reasons - a person might be constrained in several spaces (especially true of children and women, the elderly, poor individuals, unhealthy people), there might be a 'random' component to any social outcome and that the external environment might not remain constant, such that the outcomes are not the same. While I have used a fair amount of jargon here, the point to be emphasized is simple enough -  no two individuals start with the same set of premises.

Even if we assume that all humans are rational (and I don't see any reason not to) and that they employ the same set of axioms (this is where disagreement is more likely), this will lead to different conclusions. Hence, conflict is inevitable in modern society. Note that we made barely any assumptions here - even the assumption of rationality and uniqueness of axioms is merely intended to show the power of the argument. Relaxing these assumptions will, in fact, further strengthen the argument that I have made. However, I must make a qualification here. Divergence of premises is no reason to assume divergence of conclusions. These conclusions might end of being the same. Here, I diverge from deductive logic in saying that the probability of such an occurrence is low.

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In practice, each one of us falls into several disagreements with our friends and colleagues. Since we do not know what premises/beliefs that lead to a particular action, we take the action itself as a proxy for the belief system. For example, if I convinced my friend to join me for a movie, and then my friend called me up at the last moment to say no, then I do not have perfect information as to what lead my friend to make that particular decision. I would use whatever knowledge I have of the action of his not coming to reach a judgement.

It would seem better that I should rather just acknowledge the lack of information and then move on with life, rather than being miffed with my friend. However, how many of us actually do that? None whatsoever. The reason being that, in practice, perfect information will never be available. Hence, we will never reach a judgement. Even if our friend is actually the bad guy in the picture and keeps repeating his actions, I will never have enough information to indict him, and to take necessary action.

For this reason, such an outcome is never observed. As humans, we all would have certain preferences between certainty and information. The example we have considered in the previous paragraph is one of a person who prefers 100% information. On the other hand, if certainty was the only thing I cared about, then to say that 'life exists on mars' would be the best outcome - since it is 100% sure. However, most of us would be quite uncomfortable with such an assertion. 

We thus choose a point that has both uncertainty and lack of information. This is where our preferences differ. Each one of us would accept different levels of uncertainty (and by corollary, of lack of information) given how much information we have. Hence, this is a matter of preferences.

For this reason, perfection in social relations can never be seen. Even if I personally want to be as rational as possible, I would never be able to be perfectly rational unless I am ready to accept being a weak, indecisive individual who can be taken for a ride by virtually anybody. All of us wouldn't, and this is why perfection is never an outcome in social relations. We all forgive some, and don't forgive some. How much we forgive is given by our own preferences. Our acquaintances will never agree to how much we forgive, because they have different preferences. Hence, conflict will always be present.

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* this is somewhat similar to Karl Marx's dualism in that man's experiences and his response to those experiences form the complete set

Returning.....

‘You’re looking outside as if its Delhi you have come to visit!, papa said, as I stared through the car window. I widened my grin and continued doing what I was. But much dense was the streak of thought jumping up-and-down inside my little head!

I was finally able to figure out ‘what’ it was that had been missing, all this while, when I had been away. NO, It wasn’t some-’one’..(:p)… rather, it was ‘the feeling’. The feeling of being home, cozy in my quilt, listening to the neighborhood kids howling-and-shouting (Ben!!!) and utilising their holidays in the hope of becoming the next Sachin Tendulkar; of the aunty-next-door, gossiping with her maid every morning at exactly 8:12:32 am, and the Funday-Sunday beginning with melodies of Shammi Kapoor, Dev Anand, Madhubala, and so many more, which only my maa can guess correctly! (now u see why, eh, Ghosh? :p)

My mind keeps going back to Priyanka’s post on Christmas; and how we all want to be together, at some times of the year. Well, why am I not surprised? Coz it is these beautiful moments spent, which count at the end.

I enjoyed Goa, truly. With the serenity of the water, and enthusiasm of the beach, nothing could have made my Christmas ‘merrier’!

But at home, well, IT’S DIFFERENT !! :D

Suhani

The magic of Christmas is with us...

When I was a kid, I was never the sorts to believe in the existence of Santa Claus. I knew my parents were the Santa Clauses… but nonetheless I was always excited to find my box of chocolates under my pillow. I always looked forward to walnut cakes, puddings and turkeys (yes, we do have them here) and just the noise and the buzz and of course the zillion TV shows during the time. December was always special.

Today, I have forgotten what it’s like to have the ‘family time’ at this season. It’s either with friends in some club or huddled in the room, under the blanket with lots of hot, crispy KFC chicken. I miss sitting idly with Mum in front of the numerous ‘Award Givings’ on the TV… it meant nothing but I just miss the sheer joy of being so secured.

                                                          

These times have always got me security, warmth and love which is very rare once you get out of home in the big, bad World to make something out of yourself.

This festive season I would be away from home… probably with friends, partying some where, as we popularly call it, but what I have realized is as much as we are in denial, home would always be a secured place for us. We can never replicate it with anything else. In all my fifteen years away from home, I have realized that what we mean to our parents, we can never mean the same to anybody else.

This Christmas and New Year, I urge you guys to say a silent prayer with all your heart to all the people whom we take for granted and to the Almighty for giving us what many are deprived of… the warmth and security of a home, loving parents and the knowledge that no matter what, we have a place to go back to.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Years!!!

How important is a 'Brand-Name'?

Somebody asked my father the other day, “aur Dr.Sahib, bachche toh bade ho gaye honge? Kya karti hai bitiya aapki?” (Dr, Sahib, your kids must’ve grown by now, isn’t it? What does your daughter do?)…to which my father said, “She is pursuing Eco hons from St. Stephen’s College”.

And YES!!!!! Most of you can guess what followed; a lengthy discussion about how good the college is, how the Delhi University cut-offs are rising to the impossible-mark with each passing year, and how difficult it is to get to the so-called ‘worthy’ colleges these days. Not that I don’t agree with them, but really: is a brand name that important? Just because someone did not do well in some 3-hour examination, and ended up in one of the ‘not-so-well-known’ colleges, does that reduce what s/he is worth? Just because someone works at a company you haven’t heard about, does that make him/her less accomplished?

When one hears about ‘Steve Jobs’, there is only one word which comes to mind: ‘APPLE’…he was a high school dropout, but who cares? All we know today is that, he is one of the most successful businessmen in the world. 

‘Shiela Ki Jawani!! ’…reminds me (and I’m pretty sure you too!) of Katrina Kaif, recently called the ‘Barbie Doll’ of The Hindi Film Industry. I haven’t heard of anyone asking, “How much did she score in her Class XII boards?”

What I’m trying to basically prove here is that one doesn’t care, because it simply doesn’t matter. I’m nowhere trying to say that doing away with ‘Brand Names’ and the value the common man, including you and me, associates with them is the way to go! All I’m saying is, it isn’t the world which decides your worth, it is you :) Just like wearing a brand name pair of shoes will not give someone style, going to a brand name institution of higher learning will not, by itself, give someone a good education or make them successful.

You might not be big, at present, but it’s your life, and with work and will, nobody can stop you from ‘making-it-large’.

I concur. Do you?

-Suhani

My Life, My Way

Typically, we wish for room-mates, friends, people, or in short, the world around us to adjust ‘our way’. The origin of this being the notion, that if things churn out as we want, we’d be happier and life would be more comfortable as there would be lesser reasons to fret over. But, what we fail to realize, is that even this statement does not eventually turn out to be true. There is always the thought ‘kaash, aisa hota!’

 ‘Is it so hard for you to understand?’…is one question we’ve all asked, somebody or the other. But how many times have we been posed the very same query? Loads, isn’t it?

This proves, that we are all ‘inflexible’ creatures, in the heart of hearts; sometimes not listening to others; and at other times discontented, because we aren’t appreciated. In a nutshell, we are all in the same boat; yes, could be different sections of the boat, but the same vehicle at the end of the day.

The above, however is simply a brief of the problem; the problem of always living with that something which is not complete—in the ‘head’ or in the ‘heart’. Next the doubt arises: What is the solution?

It doesn’t lie in one word, neither is there a shortcut to it. But the basic key, to making one’s life comfortable, is to ‘be-the-change-you-want-to-see’. By this I simply mean, that the next time before labeling somebody under the ‘Go-to-hell’ or ‘I-hate-him’ categories, just take a moment and think, what would you have done if you were in that ‘somebody’s’ shoes? If your response is what he is doing at present, then why do you not approve of it?

That, now, is because all of us want to be treated with utmost care. We would prefer someone who values us; who is there when we need him or her to be; who supports us when we face tough times; or in short, one who we know ‘will-always-be-there’.

So, first and foremost, all of us need to ‘WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE!!’ (Or Chai, for tea-aholics like me :p) Primarily, instead of seeking support, try being supportive for once. Rather than waiting for someone to call for help, try offering it ourselves. And as a substitute of expecting the other person to amend his lifestyle, fine-tune our own attitude.

Indeed, our own life isn’t a bed of roses; hence changes aren’t easy to deal with. It is hard to solve, or for that matter, even listen to someone else’s issues, when one is going through a bad phase. But that is a fact for all, right from a roadside rickshaw-puller, to Dr. Manmohan Singh (well, with all the media pressing on him these days, it must be tougher for him :p), thus even accepting that ‘Everyone has problems’, is a big realization. Is it not? 

At the end of the day, life isn’t that bad. Being an optimist is tough, but not impossible. And if u don’t believe me, the next time you feel ‘all-is-not-well’, close your eyes, and remember the last time you were really really happy. A smile is what you’ll end up with :). That doesn't solve anything, but atleast helps one lighten!!

The warning is that I haven’t myself tried all of what I’ve written till date; but am on my way. So follow at your own risk…….. :)……………………………………………………[and do comment if it helps!] 

-Suhani

Young Diplomacy

Just last year, I had witnessed my first college election voting. I was very keen to vote. Having heard so much about voting rights, with democracy being the buzzword, the mere thought of how my vote could contribute in how a college government would shape up, gave me an inexplicable sense of responsibility. My friend, Andrila had clearly, confessed to me about her absolute disapproval towards indulgence in elections of any sort. She maintained that “diplomacy was the best policy”.
                             Sadly, that’s the plight in our country among most of the youngsters and their attitude towards the Government. In India, there are many unspoken, diluted but nonetheless evils in the form of developed and orthodox mindsets, both on the sides of the generation above 30 and the generation below that. People have a natural tendency to believe that experience and at that “years of experience’ is the only viable and feasible solution to acquiring enough efficiency of skills and thought, in order to be adept enough to make concrete, changes such in the Government. Youngsters are thought to be irrational, rash and lacking in depth and stability. They are restricted to only being “cool, rebellious and happening”.
But perhaps, we can see a changing scenario, looming in the backdrop with the advent of dynamic personalities like Agatha Sangma, Sachin Pilot, Rahul Gandhi and Omar Abdullah calling the stops in the Government. . One of the most violent phases of Youth politics came with the attempted self-immolation by Rajiv Goswami, in protest against the implementation of Quota system under the Mandal Commission. Other remarkable instances to follow are - Omar Abdullah, 38, was sworn in as India’s youngest Chief Minister in the New Year. Barack Obama is just 47!
                                   Thinking and contribution from youngsters in unhampered, devoid of manipulation, as it is not influenced by any partial view of reality. J.K. Rowling has aptly said: “Age is foolish and forgetful when it underestimates youth”. In today’s knowledge-based economy, what you have is more important than what you’ve experienced and that’s what we find in the youth.
                                    Youth involvement would also bring in a fresh surge of new innovative ideas, and most importantly a lot of spirit and enthusiasm. Going on the lines of the Anil Kapoor Starrer – Nayak, where a 32 year old man becomes Prime minister for a day and the whole functioning of the Government changes!!
If we as a nation have to move ahead and build the country of our dreams, we have to use politics as a medium to ensure that the Government remains sensitive and accountable to the people. We need developed and young minds instead of corroded and corrupt minds.
The youth shouldn’t get perturbed by old conventions and disapproving, lashing tongues. As a saying goes- To change the system you have to be in the system”. The country desperately needs some young leaders who personify energy, enthusiasm, morality, and diligence. During Independence we have leaders from all across the country like Jawarhar Lal Nehru and BR ambedkar active on the political forefront but sadly today politics is an avenue more so for the hierarchy, and the security due to the fact than rather a venture which people want to join as a result of their driven passion for their motherland. We have a handful of young leaders who are very much within the circle of politics, hailing from big families who have built empires in politics and the work affiliated to them, presumably for this very reason lacks passion and devotion. They are driven more by an obligation to carry the family trade on then rather a morale inherent sense of duty to their country.
Youth, clearly don’t consider politics as one of the most sought after, lucrative and comforting job avenues to venture into. But at times, when the youth so actively is involved in issues like the Jessica Lal murder case and reservations, their actions and their passion for fighting the cause totally negates any illusion of disinterest harboured by them towards politics. Second reason may be that young people are not given opportunities to prove themselves claiming that they are not equipped with experience to participate actively in the governance of the country. This somehow seems relatively more plausible and a reason as the monopoly of old leaders in almost all avenues of politics is disarmingly prevalent.
                              What I passionately desire is that voting should be the first step to establishing an inlet for fresh blood. Youth should actively campaign for the cause and themselves should be active participants in the voting process. Last year, there was so much of hue and cry about voting, the media coverage the publicity was phenomenal, but the outcome was pathetic. In fact superstars like Priyanka Chopra and Shahid Kapoor who had actively campaign for the cause, had themselves refrained from participating in the process.
                                The idiosyncratic laidback attitude and apathy associated with the voters, young and otherwise should be removed. We shouldn’t forget that complaining about all the numerous problems and defects in the Government is not the only way out. We should move and fight and strive for all the change that is possible at our level. It’s only then, can we witness a change in the functioning of the country. And for most of us, who think that they really don’t care about the way things function, then I presume we should really think about all the villages which don’t have electricity, all the women who are raped and yet haven’t got justice, for all the families who have lost their loved ones and the murderers are at large, looming free. Who are we fooling... our country, our people or ourselves?
-Priyanka Dass Saharia